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My Face

by D. Cullen

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about

"My Face" started as a joke. I was on tour, in the passenger seat of a car on a 4 hour drive between gigs. I hadn’t slept much, I didn’t look great in the mirror, and I wrote down: “My face has sunken eyes,
a damaged smile amongst the rest of it.
Could be a pretty boy,
oh but pity, boy, you tend to look like sh... ”.
I looked rough, I typed that into my phone, giggled to myself and moved on with the day.

Songwriting's a funny thing. What started as a little joke to myself became something much deeper and much darker when I came back and revisited those lyrics. The more the song revealed itself, the heavier it got emotionally.
"I'd love to behold this like a wonder,
and I'm sure you don't feel me going under
I love you, but you will never see my face."
This song is about a deep shame, about being terrified to show your true self to people; it’s a song about feeling so inadequate that you’ll hide big parts of yourself from friends, family, partners, for fear they’ll turn around and hate what they see.
"My Face" means a lot to me, because it’s the first time I was able to confront that feeling of inadequacy in myself. It started a dialogue with loved ones who heard it, but it also made me realise the problem in my own head. I was in a bad way, those feelings of shame and self-hatred were slowly eating away at me, and writing those lyrics made me see how bad a shape I was in. It was a kick in the gut, but it sent me into a journey of addressing those insecurities and starting to change them. After a lot of work, I’m feeling much more at ease now than I ever have.

lyrics

I can’t take much of this, you scratched the surface underneath my skin
What good’s this state of bliss, beneath the precipice you’ll find the pain I’m in
I hate the way I laugh, the way I look in photograph’s, the armour that needs be
Despite the perfect muse, I don’t know what I’ve turned into, I’m too far gone to see

I’d love to behold this like a wonder
and I’m sure you don’t feel me going under
I love you, but only ‘cause you’ve seen my face

My face has sunken eyes, a damaged smile amongst the rest of it
Could be a pretty boy, oh but pity boy, you tend to look like shit
Whatever happened to, the innocence we held on to, the falls along the way
Though you’re the one, I know, who’ll push past all the noise I just don’t trust myself to change

I’d love to behold this like a wonder
and I’m sure you don’t feel me going under
I love you, but only ‘cause you’ve seen my face
And I hope I explode into the distance
‘cause I’m broken and you’ll pick up all the pieces
I love you, but only ‘cause you’ve seen my face

I don’t think I was made for this, I don’t think I was made for this, I hope you understand
So leave me in this state of bliss, the folly of my masochistic shame

I’d love to behold this like a wonder
and I’m sure you don’t feel me going under
I love you, but you will never see my face
And I know I explode into the distance
‘cause I’m broken, and I fucked it, fucked it, fucked it, fucked it
I love you, but you will never see my face
No you never want to see my face
Oh you never want to see my face

credits

released May 17, 2019
Written by D. Cullen
D. Cullen-Vocals, Acoustic Guitar, Electric Guitars, Ebow, Keyboard, Drums
Boo Hewerdine-Bass
Produced by Boo Hewerdine/Chris Pepper
Mixed by Chris Pepper
Mastering by Aidan Foley

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all rights reserved

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about

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D. Cullen Dublin, Ireland

D. Cullen is a songwriter/musician from Dublin, Ireland.

Debut album "Sing My Story, Tell My Song" is available now!

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